In this relationship, we – the parents – are the guides. It is our responsibility to ensure that this relationship is a safe bond, a source of support, and an emotional refuge for our child. We are the ones who bandage their scraped knees, apply cool compresses to their feverish foreheads, and worry whether what we offer our child is sufficient, good for them, and conducive to their development.

Sometimes this responsibility is difficult for us to bear. This is especially true when our child is experiencing intense, difficult emotions and exhibiting behavior that worries us – when they withdraw or explode with anger, when they become glued to the screen, when they stop eating or going to school, when they hurt themselves and sometimes others. At such times, we need support for ourselves, as well as advanced parenting skills – the ability to respond to our child’s difficult, very intense emotions, the ability to set effective boundaries, the ability to avoid our own emotional traps, which we usually fall into precisely at those moments when we need to be the best version of ourselves, as well as the ability to repair the relationship with our child when our bond has been strained by conflict.

Support in developing these skills can be found both in individual parental work with a therapist working in the EFST-P (Emotion Focused Skills Training for Parents) approach and in EFST-P workshops. EFST-P workshops are a particularly valuable opportunity, as they allow us to meet other parents who are also struggling with difficulties in their relationships with their children. Not only can we get support and develop our parenting skills, but we can also experience that we are not alone in our struggles – we are surrounded by other parents who, like us, face uncertainty, shame, or helplessness and who are ready to listen to us and understand us. EFST-P workshops’ effectiveness has been scientifically proven – studies show that children whose parents participated in these workshops experienced a statistically significant decrease in symptoms of mental health difficulties – both those involving withdrawal (anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties) and difficult behaviors (aggression, defiance, impulsivity) (see: Ansar, Nissen Lie, Zahl-Olsen, Bertelsen, Elliott, & Stiegler, 2022; Ansar, Nissen Lie, & Stiegler, 2024).  

References:

• Ansar, N., Nissen Lie, H., Zahl-Olsen, R., Bertelsen, B. T., Elliott, R., & Stiegler, J.R. (2022). Effectiveness of parental emotion-focused skills training for internalizing and externalizing symptoms in children: A randomized clinical dismantling study. Journal of Clinical and Child & Adolescent Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2022.2079130
• Ansar, N., Nissen Lie, H. A., & Stiegler, J. R. (2024). The effects of emotion-focused skills training on parental mental health, emotion regulation and self-efficacy: Mediating processes between parents and children. Psychotherapy research : journal of the Society for Psychotherapy Research, 34(4), 518–537. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2023.2218539